New Year: More Joy

Time to pull back the curtain here. It's my Freudian moment to lie on the couch and confess my woes. I hate New Year's Resolutions, but I did it anyway. I hate them because I never, ever keep them. I joked last year that my resolution was to break all of my resolutions, but then I got myself jammed up in a dilemma with semantics. 

Here's the big one for 2013: Find the things in my life that steal my joy and get rid of them. Joy--not happiness. Happiness is fleeting, and conditional on so many things. If my joy comes from the Lord, like I say it does, then why have I struggled so much this year with spiraling into a state of disillusionment, discontentment, and grumbling? There are many reasons, but all the strings led to a very shallow cause--my personal struggle with my weight and how it was beginning to make me feel physically and emotionally. Since giving birth to baby #2 in 2004, I have struggled with weight. In my opinion I began 2013 fifty pounds overweight, or 180 pounds. I began this journey last year in May when I weighed 164 pounds, but abandoned my efforts. So, on January 1st (my 37th birthday) I figured I had 16 pounds to lose before I was the weight I was when I thought I hit my weight ceiling back in May. Depressing? Could be, if I let it. But I got on Nutrisystem.com on the first day of the year and ordered my first shipment of food, because I needed help. It was over $200, but I finally did it. I know what it is, and I know the dangers of not learning to do this on my own. But I have to start somewhere! 
So, this is more of a personal blog that will serve me in three ways:

1. As a record of my weight loss and food diary to see what I liked/didn't like.
2. As a journal to record how I feel emotionally and physically each day
3. As an encourager so that if I feel like quitting, I can see my progress. 

I am a Christian, and I do not believe that weight loss is a fix to all of life problems. However, because I feel I am doing something good for myself physically, it has led me to do other things that are for my spiritual well-being. I am spending more time in Bible study and in prayer. I focus more on my family because I am not stressing over my health. I'm in the midst of it instead of wondering what I will do to fix it. It's similar to a time of fasting for me. I am positive and excited, and ask God to sustain me and encourage me through any trials that may come!